Captain's Secrets
by YoungestCullen8
Summary: Bones has noticed something has been going on with Jim, but he doesn't know what. And what Jim is hiding can end up hurting everyone. Can Bones and the crew find out before it hurts Jim permanently? R&R
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** I had this story playing around in my head for a while. I hope you enjoy it.

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"Jim! Get back to Medical now!"

"Leave me alone, Bones!"

Dr. Leonard McCoy, or Bones as he was known to his captain and friend, stalked after the aforementioned man. He had been caught in a propulsion accident during a training session and then escaped Medical Bay.

It had been normal. Jim had been overseeing the new ensigns in making sure they had a firm grasp on piloting simply because he didn't exactly trust Starfleet and he was Jim Kirk. During the session, levels had suddenly dropped. Jim had recognized what was going on and shoved the ensigns out of the way before they got hurt.

In the process, he had gotten hit with a loose panel. It didn't break any bones but it messed up his back, leaving it battered and bleeding. Bones had taken him to the Medical Bay and put him on a bio-bed while he checked over the other patients. When he turned back around, Jim was gone. Giving his patients to Chapel, he went after the captain, hence the reason he was following him down the corridors.

"I'm serious, Jim. Get back to Medical."

"I'm serious, Bones. Leave me alone."

They came to the captain's door. Jim slipped in quickly, locking the door behind him. Bones nearly walked into it. When he stopped, he glared at the door for a few moments before rambling off the override code used for medical emergencies. He would have to erase the log afterwards so Spock wouldn't have a fit.

When he walked into the darkened room, he took a few moments to let his eyes adjust. Jim hadn't bothered turning on the light, which meant he was suffering from a concussion. As he walked further into the darkened room, he saw the mass in the bed. Jim was curled up on his side.

"This is what you get for leaving Medical," Bones said as he sank down on the bed. He rubbed Jim's shoulder affectionately until he shrugged him off. "Don't be that way."

"Just leave me alone, Bones," Jim said in a very tired voice.

"I can't do that and you know I can't. Roll over and let me see."

"Go away. I don't want to be touched right now." He jerked away when the doctor put his hands on his shoulder. "Stop."

"Jim, I have to look at your back."

"Leave me alone, Bones." He was getting irritated and it was showing in his voice.

"I can't do that. You have to be checked out before I can clear you." Bones tugged at Jim's clothes once again.

This time Jim came up swinging. "I said stop, you jackass!" He hissed as his friend jerked too hard and the material dug into his back. He rolled away and pressed his back into the pillows, glaring at Bones in the process. "Go away."

Bones' face took on a pitying look. He knew Jim hated being babied but at the moment he had no choice. "I have to look at it. It's part of my protocol."

"No, Bones."

"Jim, I can't let you work until you allow me to look at your back. I'm sorry about that."

"Give Spock the command. I won't be there for a few days."

"Depending on your condition you might not be able to go back for another week." Jim shrugged his shoulders. It was bad when he didn't care because he always cared. He cared about his ship and his crew. When he got like this, it was bad.

Bones moved to the end of the bed. He took off Jim's boots then tugged his slacks down his legs. If he removed his sweaters, it would only hurt him so he left those alone. He pulled a hypo from his med bag and injected the captain with the only painkiller he could give him without having him throw it up. He was really concerned when Jim didn't fight him about the hypo.

"I'll check back in with you in a few hours." Jim simply snorted and Bones walked out.

The captain waited until he heard his friend's heavy tread disappeared before he heaved his battered body from the bed. He trudged heavily over to the bathroom door, leaning heavily against the wall as it slid open. He nearly fell in when he moved from the one sturdy thing that was holding him up. His legs sure as hell weren't.

Making it to the sink, he painstakingly peeled off his gold and black shirts. He hit the manual button to start the shower and waited for it to warm up. When he saw the steam, he stepped in, hissing as soon as the water met his bare back. He scrubbed up quickly and got out as fast as his banged up legs would allow him.

Jim wiped off the mirror and stared at it. This was the face of a captain. A captain who had saved eight ensigns from being hit with shrapnel from an exploding propulsion module. This was the face of the captain whose best friend was the doctor who insisted on patching him up every time he got hurt. This was the face of the captain who was a coward.

When he turned his back to the mirror, he refused to look at it. He knew what he would see and it wasn't the tan, perfect flesh it had been a week ago. He knew what it looked like now.

Turning his head, he looked over his shoulder.

His back was a mess of blue and black and open lacerations. The bleeding had stopped in the shower, but the skin was now swollen and hot. There was a blue spot running from his right hip to his left shoulder, the place where the panel had hit, that was quickly turning colors. That bruise wasn't the one that was causing all the issues.

The rest of his back was riddled with different kinds of bruises. Some were small, others were long and oval, and the rest had lines running through them. There were multiple lacerations that had healed but left horrible scars. If someone had asked Jim a year ago this would happen, he would have denied it, but here it was staring him in the face like a bad movie and he had to deal with it.

Alone.

Bones could never know what had happened and would continue to happen as long as he was on the ship.

Jim left his bathroom and crossed the room while holding back a painful groan. His legs hurt from being cracked in the back by propulsion panels and hit with sparks but none of that was in comparison to his back. It sent jolts of pain down his legs, but he couldn't collapse. He needed to make it to bed before his legs gave way.

Finally he collapsed in his bed, naked and not caring that he was. He rolled on to his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. After thinking about it, he got back up and pulled on some briefs and a t-shirt. If he was somewhat clothed, Bones wouldn't be too tempted to look at him.

He was able to actually collapse in his bed and not worry too much.

Until the door slid open.

Only a couple of people knew his override codes and this wasn't one he wanted in his room at the moment.

He lifted his head from the pillow and whimpered pathetically. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Bones." The doctor lifted his head as Jim shuffled into his office the next day. He was dressed in civvies and a light pair of shoes. He must really be hurting if he was in anything other than boots. He painstakingly sank himself into a chair and leaned back. "What's up?"

"Doing some paperwork about why our fool captain isn't receiving medical treatment. You know, the works," Bones replied as he continued working. When there wasn't a response, he looked up. Jim was slumped in the chair staring out the port hole, chewing on his thumbnail out of nervous habit. "Jim, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing, Bones," Jim replied.

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care."

"I didn't figure you did. But seriously, I need to know what's going on so I can tell Starfleet why their prized captain is giving up his commission."

"It's none of their business, Bones."

"Maybe not but it is mine. I'm your doctor, Jim I should know these things." Jim continued to stare out into space, completely ignoring the doctor he sat in front of. "If you won't tell me as your doctor, then tell me as your friend."

He watched as Jim flinched at the word. In his entire life he had never had someone to call his friend. He had had acquaintances but never as a true friend. Jim was both. He had been the first one to take pity and care of him after his divorce. There was no way he was letting his best friend deal with something without his help.

Jim finally looked at Bones but there was nothing in his gaze that told him the other man was going to say anything. This was the part of Jim he absolutely hated. His stubborn side spoke louder than his gentler sides. It was how he pulled off getting his commission in three years instead of the four it usually took command track students to finish. Then again none of them had had the I.Q. Jim did. But when the man got something set in his mind, it stayed there. This was the man who didn't believe in no-win scenarios. So why was he hiding something.

The captain levered himself from the chair, hiding the pain that rocketed up and down his back with a perfect façade, but that's all it was. A façade. He walked to the door and would have gone out if Bones hadn't put a hand to his shoulder. Pain lanced down his side but once again he held in the shutter to keep his friend from finding out how much pain he was actually in.

"Jim, you need to let me look at your back. I need to see what's going on." Bones was pleading now. Normally Jim was nervous when it came to his own medical needs but he was never this skittish. He would usually go a few rounds with the doctor then finally concede to being checked out. Today he wasn't doing it; he wasn't letting his best friend in at all and that cut Bones deep.

Very gently, Jim removed the doctor's hand. "Not now, Bones." He left his friend in the office, nodding to Chapel as he moved from Medical Bay into the hallway. He winced as the pain dulled away.

"Captain?"

Jim knew that voice and turned in the direction from which it came. "Hey, Spock."

The Vulcan stopped and looked at his captain. He took in his hunched shoulders and look of defeat. He knew something was up. This man had never had a look of defeat in the years Spock knew him. He was always so upbeat and insanely stupid when he was like this, if he ever was, it was like a slap in the face.

"Is there anything you need, Spock?"

"Your brother's looking for you." Jim's body stiffened at the mention of Sam Kirk, making Spock wonder if something was going on between them that had made the captain take a sabbatical.

"Where is he?" His voice was rough and harsh, not something that should go on between human brothers.

"He is in his quarters. Shall I escort you?"

Jim shook his head. "No, I know the way. Excuse me."

Spock watched the captain walk down the hall with shoulders squared and head held high. Something was going on and he was going to find out.

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Jim stopped outside his older brother's door.

All his life he had looked up to Sam. He was his big brother. He was the only one he had had left when his mother decided to go off planet and leave them in the care of their screwed up stepfather. Sam had protected him from him on many occasions.

Until he ran away.

He left Jim to fend for himself and in the process that made Jim a tough cookie. He had had to toughen up or get beat to oblivion. Luckily for him he had chosen the send one. Every day until the day he moved into the city Jim had to protect himself from his crazy, screwed stepfather.

Then he met Bones and joined Starfleet. Those two things alone kept him pretty busy. Some days Bones would want to drink. Other days he would want to study. Whatever he did, Jim was right there with him. At first they didn't share a room, but after Jim "pleaded" with the girl at the front desk of the dorm, he had officially changed rooms. It was a good match. Bones complimented his crazy attitude with his docile one. They were a good team.

When the ship became his after the _Narada_ incident, Jim had told himself he wasn't going to be weak ever again. Enter Sam Kirk. He had pulled some strings to have his baby brother transport him to the consulate meeting he was supposed to give his findings to. He had also come to deliver news of their mother's death.

That topic alone had hit Jim harder than a ton of bricks when he was working at the quarry as a teenager. He had never been the best son and that wasn't all due to his mother basically abandoning him. He was acting out because he wanted her to see what Frank had been doing to him but she never did.

Behind this door was the only person he could call family.

"Open," he heard a voice say on the other side of the door. The door slid open and Jim stepped through. The room was fairly dim, meaning he could barely make out the things in front of him.

As he turned a full circle, something connected with the side of his head, sending him sprawling to the floor. Jim rolled to his side only to be kicked in the stomach. He curled into the fetal position to protect his head and vitals in his soft underbelly. In doing so he left his already beaten back wide open. That was his next target. Jim cried out in pain as the toe of a boot connected with the tenderest bruise along his back.

"I saw the doctor leave your room this morning. Did you tell him?" Jim fought to keep bile from coming up. His hair was yanked, forcing him to look up. "Did you tell him?"

"No! No, I didn't," the captain replied feebly, trying so hard to keep his voice from wavering and hold down what little his stomach held.

Cold blue eyes stared into slightly frightened yet angry ones. He didn't believe him. "Maybe I should do something to make sure you're telling the truth."

"He doesn't know anything!" The same blue eyes stared at him mercilessly. Jim's breathing was ragged as he held his anger in check. "Bones doesn't know anything."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were telling the truth."

"I am! I haven't said anything." He was tossed to the ground and kicked for good measure.

"Get out. And if your doctor friend finds out, I'll make sure you understand the meaning of the word rage."

Jim picked his broken body from the floor and limped to the door. He didn't bother looking over his shoulder because he knew what he would see. It was what he always saw; hatred.

He squared his shoulders and walked down the hallway. He saw some of his subordinates and they saluted him easily. He nodded in response and continued on his way. He figured he should go see Bones but the voice that ripped through his head told him not to, that his friend was in trouble if he saw him like this. It meant his sabbatical was going to be extended.

He made it to his room in some semblance of piece. Once inside his room he crumbled to the floor, tears of pain cascading down his face as he crawled to his bathroom. Everything hurt; his lungs as they fought for air, his ribs because some were definitely broken, his spine from the toe of the boot, and his shoulder, everything. The only thing he could take was a dull pain reliever because he couldn't tolerate the real one. That was better than nothing.

Once he was cleaned up, he crawled back to his bed, this time opting to sleep naked because it hurt too much to move. Even the tears hurt his face. He lay there as still as he could, wishing for the pain to go away.

After what seemed like hours, he heard a knock at the door. There was only one person who could knock silently yet demandingly. Bones was back for another round of pester Jim about helping him.

"Jim, let me in please."

Jim lifted his head from the pillow as gently as he could. "Please, Bones, just go away and leave me alone."

He heard a soft thump against the door. "Damn it, Jim. Let me in. Tell me what's going on so I can help you."

The captain scoffed. There was nothing his friend could do to help him. He was subject to this until otherwise and no one could know or something would happen to them. So Jim would have to remain off duty until he fully healed or he let Bones see what he was like in this state. The latter was too hard to deal with so he would bear with it just a little longer.

"Jim?" Bones' voice was soft and filled with emotion, asking the deep seated question that he wanted answered.

Jim closed his eyes and said the hardest thing he had ever told his friend. "Go away, Bones. You can't help me."

There was a soft sound outside the door and then the shuffling of feet. Bones was walking away and that made Jim cry even harder.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim lay in bed and watched a holo for the first time in forever. It was one of those cheesy movies from the 20th Century where the man and woman have a rocky relationship before they fall in love and get married and have three kids. Then again this was just a movie and not real life.

He had been in love once until he screwed it up. His primal instincts had taken over and he had done something she had asked him not to. After that she left for school but they had remained friends. She was one of the people he turned to when he needed help.

But in this situation he couldn't even do that. Growing up, she had had a rocky childhood and didn't take this stuff lightly. If he called her, she'd call Bones and then the doctor would swoop in and make him tell him everything. So that side of the problem was taken care of.

He pressed pause on the holo and set it down on the nightstand. This situation was going to get worse and there was no way he could it to go away without a messy outcome.

He rolled over, making a pained noise as he pulled the skin on his back. He was hurting so bad but he couldn't call anyone to bring him anything. Then a light bulb clicked on in his head. He leaned over and pressed the button by his bed.

"Captain Kirk to Chekov." He prayed the little genius would answer.

A minute later he did. "Chekov here. Vat is it, Keptin?"

Jim was never so happy to hear someone else's voice he felt like crying. "Chekov, can you come to my room without letting Bones know?"

"Aye, sir. I am in engineering. I can be zere in two minutes."

"Good. I'll leave the door unlocked."

"All right, Keptin."

The line went dead and Jim buried his head in his pillow with a sigh. If there was anyone he could trust with this, it was Chekov. The kid had never met Sam, so Sam had no clue about the young ensign. He would never attack a kid anyway. Jim could always protect him if he needed to but he had to find out what Sam wanted before he could do anything.

The door slid open with a hiss, letting Jim know Chekov had showed up. The kid was quick; he locked the door the instant he entered the room. Jim rolled over just enough to see him walk into the room and pull up a chair by the bed. He pulled out a small canister, no doubt some of that Russian healing salve his great-aunt had made him.

Chekov was the younger version of Jim. He was curly headed with bright blue-green eyes. He was a genius and very socially awkward. He was an orphan who had been raised by his elderly great-aunt until he was thirteen. That was when he went to Starfleet and became an officer. Jim had taken a liking to him instantly because he could keep secrets and didn't break easily. There was always this distinct wariness around him that only disappeared when he was irrevocably happy. That was usually when he was reading a good book.

Jim was glad the young man was there to help him pull off his shirt and slip his pants and briefs down just enough he could get to the harmed areas. With tender hands, Chekov spread the salve evenly over the bruises and whelps that had risen the night before. Jim lay calmly as the young man's hands skillfully lathered his back.

"How did zis happen, Keptin?" the young Russian asked.

"I'm sorry, Chekov, but I can't tell you, but I have to ask you to keep this quiet. No one else can know about this," Jim replied as the numbing effect of the salve took effect.

"Not even Dr. McCoy?"

"Especially not McCoy. This is an order, Chekov. You can't say anything."

"All right, Keptin. I von't." Jim knew he was in good hands when the young man finished closed the canister and pulled the light sheet over his semi-naked form. "Sleep, Keptin. I von't tell anyone."

Jim vaguely heard the ensign tell the computer to lock the door after he left and to turn the lights all the way off. Then he was gone under completely, thanking the kid all the way under.

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Bones tapped the stylus against the PADD irritably. It had been days since he had seen hide or hair of Jim. The captain had been hiding out in his room. Every night Bones dropped by his room before heading to his without a response. Jim either was asleep, which wasn't likely, or keeping quiet when he was outside the door, more than likely. The end of that thought meant Jim was avoiding him.

The thought of that made Bones mad. No, not made. Pissed. Bones was pissed that his best friend was going through something and didn't think he could handle it. They had been through some terrible shit together from Jim's crazy stepfather coming to the academy and trying to drag him away to Bones' crazy ex-wife trying to sue for extra child support, which Jim had easily blocked by hacking into the lawyer's files and changing everything. He still wasn't sure Jocelyn realized that she was still getting the same amount of money every month.

The point was, Jim was hiding something from him. It had to be something big for Jim to go to such lengths to keep something from him. The young captain took on way too much as it was and he had the tendency to shoulder everything on his own. There were days when Bones had to sedate him just to get him to sleep. Other times he forced him to sleep with him just to get him to relax enough to sleep when he refused a sedative. Jim was a stubborn bastard but not stupid.

So this time he must really be in some shit for him to keep quiet.

The stylus went flying across the room as PADDs hit the ground. Bones ran a hand through his hair, forcing it to stick up. This entire thing was nerve wracking. Jim was being his usual secret self, but this secrecy was different. It wasn't like they were in the Academy and he could sneak women into the room. No, this had to deal with his crew. If something was happening to him, he couldn't, wouldn't, allow it to affect his crew, even if it meant going to work with a battered body.

He had to figure out what was going on with Jim before something seriously bad happened, but he didn't know how to do it. He had to get someone on board to help him and there was one person he knew who would help him.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim's head hit the wall with a sickening thud and slid slowly to the floor.

Sam was in a foul mood today.

He had just walked through the hall and was dragged into a closed off rec room. There was no time for him to defend himself when the punch came. He took it to the face and blocked the others. That only lasted until Sam produced a whip from nowhere and began hitting him with it. The whelps that came up on his skin were worse than they had been before and they stung worse.

Jim wasn't worried until an actual knight stick was used. Sam brought it down on his ribs as he struggled to gain his feet, breaking a couple with an even more sickening sound. Jim cried out hoarsely and curled up even more. He heard tsk sound before the door opened and closed.

He wasn't sure how long it was before someone came in and found him like that. There was a flurry of movement about him, in which he had no idea what was going on. All he knew was the gentle rocking motion nearly made him sick. Well, not nearly. It did make him sick, so sick in fact he threw up all the way to Medical.

When he got there, the first person he saw was Bones. The doctor was shouting orders so loud Jim's ears were bleeding. When the nurses and Bones tried to move him, he vaguely remembered screaming at the pain. Then everything went black.

The minute he came to, he heard voices. The two that came into full blown range was the two he thought were close to him.

"It's clear by the contusions and lacerations that he has been abused," he heard Spock say in what the Vulcan obviously thought was a lowered voice. But as Jim listened he didn't hear anyone other than Bones and Spock. That meant he had been placed in isolation. Great.

"I understand that, but who would do such a thing?" Bones asked. He was clearly worried, as Jim knew he would be. It really pained him to hear his best friend sound so lost.

"That I do not know, Doctor, for if I did, I would bring him to justice."

"Well, obviously Jim doesn't want us to know who it is because he doesn't want that person to get in trouble."

"I fail to see the reason why."

"This is Jim. He doesn't need a reason other than he feels like it." Bones began pacing, something he did when he was nervous or contemplating something. "Whoever it is, we have to wait until Jim wants to talk."

"Does that mean I am still acting captain?"

"Yes, Spock. You're still acting captain."

Jim decided to make it known he was awake. The bio-bed hummed to life at his slight movements. Bones was on him faster than he thought possible. He was checking vitals, especially heart rate and blood pressure. Jim was still fuzzy on how he got there but at the moment he didn't care. He was warm but his head was buzzing.

"What happened?" he asked. He knew what happened. He just needed to know what was wrong with him.

Bones smiled as he gently ran a hand through the captain's sweat laden hair. "You're in Medical Bay, kid."

"I know that but what happened?"

"We were kind of wondering if you could answer that one." He frowned, playing the dumb blond very effectively. "Jim, you have a concussion and you threw up on the way here. You have three broken ribs and healing wounds. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Bones watched as Jim's already dilated eyes darkened and dilated more than he had ever seen. The kid was scared, as he should be. Someone beat the shit out of him and left him in the rec room to suffer alone.

Jim shifted as much as he dared. He couldn't tell Bones that his own brother was the one who had put him here. He still hadn't figured out what Sam wanted but he wasn't going to let his friend get hurt while he looked. Sam was his problem so if Jim had to play dumb to keep his friend ignorant for the time being he would in a heartbeat.

"You don't have to answer me right now," Bones said after a few moments of silence.

He nodded. "Can I go back to my room?"

Bones frowned unhappily. "Jim, you have a concussion. I don't think you should move at the moment."

"Please, Bones. This place freaks me out. I want to go back to my room."

There was no way the doctor could argue with him when he whined. So he got a hover chair ready for Jim's transfer.

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Chekov walked into Jim's room quietly. The captain had been discharged from the Medical Bay and sent back to his room. He thought it would be a good idea for him to go see him.

After saying the new override code Jim had given him, the Russian whiz kid walked into a dark room. He walked over to the bed and sat down gently on the edge. Jim was asleep with his arms spread over the pillows. He looked to be in pain. Chekov smiled and gently touched the captain's arm.

"Please, don't hit me."

"I'm not going to, Keptin."

Jim opened his eyes and stared blearily at the kid. "Hey, Chekov. What are you doing here?"

Chekov held up the canister. "I'd thought I'd help in anyvay possible."

"Can't today, buddy. I had bandages this time."

"I can vork around zem."

Jim lay perfectly still as the cool salve was placed above and below the fresh bandages Bones had applied. The gentleness of the kid's hand was very soothing on his hot flesh. His body ached quite literally from head to toe. It felt good just to have someone take care of him without asking a million questions.

"Do you need anything else, Keptin?" Chekov asked when he was done.

"Come water please." Jim hated relying on people but Chekov did it without as much as a complaint.

When the kid brought the water to him, he had a hard time sitting up. Chekov had to carefully prop him up just so he could drink without choking. When he was done, he gently placed him back against the pillows. Jim sighed and tried to wriggle back down under the covers but only groaned painfully when it pulled at his ribs and shot pain through his head.

"Keptin, vhy don't you tell Dr. McCoy vhat's going on?" Chekov asked him softly.

Jim cracked an eye open at the kid. He was really worried about him. He shifted until he was as comfortable as he could get. "I don't want him hurt, kid."

"He can take a lot, Keptin."

"I know he can, but he doesn't have to." He opened his eyes again. "You can't tell anyone, Chekov. He can't know what's going on."

"Keptin, you can't do zis alone."

Jim smiled. "I'm trying to so don't tell." Chekov shifted unhappily. "I don't want him to know, Chekov. Promise me you won't tell him."

"Keptin, I..."

"Chekov, promise me you won't tell Bones."

"I promise, Keptin. If you vill excuse me, I am having dinner vith Sulu."

Jim watched as the ensign walked out of his room. This was a tough secret to keep. No one knew what Sam was doing, not even Jim himself. It was tough having to deal with his brother's rampages and not let anyone else know because it could be dangerous to them. He didn't want that. He wanted everyone to be safe, even if it meant using his body to do it.

Groaning again, he rolled back into the pillows, allowing the cooling salve to take effect.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **I hope you're enjoying this. I know it has a hard topic to handle but it has been swirling around in my head for days. Please tell me what you think.

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"God, I'm coming," Bones said as he got up from the warmth of the bed.

He had been having a good dream. He was off for a few days of much needed rest when he met a woman who wanted to pick his medical brain. And when he said pick, he meant pick and pick hard. They were naked and in his bed when he heard the knock at his door. Usually he would just ignore it, but for some reason this one felt as if it were important.

So he waited.

When it came again, Bones got up, not even bothering to call out the code.

The door slid open.

"There better be a good reason for getting me up in the middle of a good dream," he muttered to the open door. When he looked up, his mouth dropped. "Jim? What the hell happened?"

Jim leaned against the doorway with a split lip and blackening eye. He was barely standing on his own two feet, mainly using the door as a prop. He stared at his friend with unseeing eyes, meaning he still had the concussion.

"Hey, Bones. Can I come in?"

Bones grabbed him by the arm, jumping when a keening noise came from Jim. He adjusted his grip and led the man into his room. Jim collapsed in his bed with a thud. Bones grabbed his medical bag and began to look his friend over. Except for everything he had checked over the last time he had seen him in Medical Bay, Jim had no new wounds except for these two.

When he was satisfied nothing else was wrong, he dropped his head gently to Jim's shoulder. "What the hell is going on, Jim? Why do you look like this?"

"Don't worry about it, Bones," Jim whispered.

Angry, Bones shot up and stared at his friend. Jim had shrunk back when he sat up quickly, wariness in his eyes. This kid had gone through the ringer recently. No wonder he was scared. Bones took a moment to collect his thoughts. Then he gently reached forward and gripped Jim's face gently.

"I won't push you anymore. You'll tell me when you're feeling ready to, but, Jim, you don't deserve this. Whoever is doing this to you doesn't deserve your pity."

"It's not pity, Bones. I'm not allowing this to happen to me out of pity." Jim said it so softly Bones almost missed it.

"Allowing? You're allowing someone to do this to you? How stupid can you be?"

That was when Jim shut down. His face was impossible to read. It took a lot for Jim to get angry nowadays but there were some things that just weren't said. That was one of them. Jim never did anything without a reason and for him to allow someone to abuse him meant he was doing something else.

"I'm sorry, Jim."

"The funny thing is I know you. You're not sorry for saying what you just did. It may be stupid but I have to do it. Don't ask me why, Bones. Please don't ask me why."

Bones looked at his best friend, at the empty look on his face and how his eyes didn't dance with mischief as they normally did. Something was really going on. He watched as Jim hoisted himself up and headed for the door.

"Jim?" His voice cracked as he thought about what he wanted to say. The captain stopped a few feet from the door. "If it gets to rough, come to me. It doesn't matter what time of day. I'll let you in, just please come to me."

Jim smiled humorlessly. "Sorry, Bones, but I can't do that. I have to deal with this on my own." The door opened as he walked out.

Bones was left raw and open. Why was Jim doing this? After he got into Starfleet he told him he was done letting someone beat on him. So why start now? After five years, why allow someone to use him as their punching bag? It wasn't like him.

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Jim sat in the mess hall in a little corner away from everyone. The corner was shadowed so no one could see what he looked like.

He wished he had never gone to Medical and had Bones check him over. This was going to get him in more trouble because technically Bones wasn't supposed to see him like this.

Bones' questions were valid ones. Why was he letting this happen? Well that was an easy one. Sam had said if Jim told, Bones would lose everything; his job at Starfleet but most importantly his daughter. Jim refused to allow that to happen so he allowed Sam to do whatever he wanted. It kept his friend safe.

But not him. He ended up with his back mottled and his face swollen. His ribs ached every time he took a breath and pain lanced through his head. He was in bad shape but he wasn't going to let anyone else see him like that.

"Morning, Jimmy." Jim looked up to see his brother standing above him. "Is this seat taken?"

"Nope, have a seat." Sam sat down and looked over the table at his brother. "What are you doing?"

"Having breakfast. What about you?" Jim shook his head, hiding the pain he felt behind a stoic mask. "Have you told anyone about our little…"

Jim sighed. "No, Sam, I haven't. There's no way I'd let anything happen to Bones."

"Does that mean…"

"I already told you it did."

"Then let's go." When Jim didn't move fast enough, Sam grabbed his arm and tugged hard, forcing a slight whimper from his younger brother. "Let's go."

Jim got up and led the way from the mess hall, all too aware that his brother was inches away from him as they moved down the hall. They had done this plenty of times so it didn't look so conspicuous. Only Jim knew what it really meant.

When they got to Sam's room, he was shoved in roughly.

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"Dr. McCoy?"

Bones turned around at the sound of Spock's voice. "What is it, Spock?"

"I think you need to come with me."

"Can't you see I'm actually doing my work? Shouldn't you be doing yours?"

"This can't wait, Dr. McCoy. It concerns Captain Kirk."

"Dr. McCoy!" Chekov slid to a stop in front of Bones and Spock. "Dr. McCoy! Mr. Spock! You have to come with me."

"Slow down, Chekov. I'm talking to Spock right now. What about Jim?"

"Jim went to his brother's room without so much as an argument," Spock said.

"It's his brother. He wouldn't put up a fight."

"Captain Kirk doesn't have a standing relationship with his brother. They rarely acknowledge each other."

"Maybe they're rekindling their brotherly bond."

Chekov, who was buzzing with anticipation, made a noise. "It's not zat! Keptin is being beaten by his brozzer!"

"My god, kid! Why didn't you say something sooner?"

The three left Medical in a hurry. It couldn't be Sam. Sam was his brother, the only family he had left. He wouldn't do something like this.

They were proved wrong as Spock overrode the locking code to Sam's quarters. Jim's cry of pain was heard even before the doors slid open. The three fell into the room and Bones lost his voice.

There was Jim, hands and feet tied spread eagle. He didn't say a word but his eyes said everything. He had given up, resigning himself to the fact that this was going on. Sam brought the thin side of the paddle down on Jim's side, breaking his hip with an audible crack. Jim cried then, tears flowing freely down his face as he tried to pull himself up to relieve the pain.

"Did you seriously think all the others were just to prove a point?" Sam asked as he made a semi-circle around his brother, keeping his back to the wall. He was totally unaware of who was in the room.

Jim gurgled a bit before he spoke. "Why are you doing this?"

"I told you, Jimmy. I want to take everything out from under you; your career, your crew, your friends. And the only way to do that would be to take out you friends."

"Bones didn't do anything to you!"

"No, but he's always at your side and that's good enough. I wonder what his daughter will say when she comes to visit him on a penal planet?"

"You leave Bones alone, Sam, or I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"How would you do that? Your arms and legs are tied up." Sam trailed a hand from his brother's broken hip to the juncture of his hip. Jim flinched. "Maybe I should make it to where you can't have any children of your own."

Jim began to struggle, eyes widening when he saw Sam pull out a phaser. "Sam, stop. Stop!"

"That's enough!" Bones launched himself at Jim the moment Sam shot Jim with the phaser set to kill.

"Security and medical to room C35," Spock called through the room's comm system.

Gently, Bones and Chekov untied the unconscious captain, making sure to be gentle with his hip. Spock took Sam into custody with the help of a couple of red shirts. Bones staunched the gaping wound on Jim's side, taking in all the swelling and bruising.

"He's been going thought this alone," the doctor said as they lifted the captain to a hover gurney, "and for me."

"Not just for you, Doctor. He did it for everyone. I'm going to have security go through all of Sam's things," Spock said. "For now, let's get the captain to Medical and figure the rest out later." The others followed doctor's orders and together they headed to Medical.


	6. Chapter 6

Jim's eyes fluttered open then his vision cleared. He was in Medical again in isolation. That was when reality hit him and he tried to sit up. That only succeeded in a cry of pain before he fell back once again, the bio-bed screaming to life at the occupant's discomfort.

"Jeezus, Jim, you have a broken hip and you've been shot. You have to stay still," Bones said as he came around the curtain and hit a button to shut the bed up. He sat on the edge and looked at his friend. "You could have told me, Jim."

"No, I couldn't, Bones. You heard what he said. He would have taken everything from you. I couldn't let that happen," Jim replied quietly. He still wasn't sure if he should tell the entire thing but he wasn't worried about it. "How bad is it, Bones?"

"Besides all the healing wounds you sustained, you have a broken hip and a healing wound from a phaser shot. The dermal regenerator will be placed on you shortly."

"So I've been unconscious due to shock?'

Bones nodded. "There's only so much a body can take before it shuts down to heal on its own. You'll have to stay awake so the regenerator can do its job."

"I know, Bones. I've done this before."

Jim laid still as Bones placed the regenerator on his side and turned it on. The first pulse wasn't that bad, just a tickle really. As it went on, the pulses turned painful, so much so that he was arching off the bed just to get away from the pain in his side. His hip started to hurt but he barely felt it due to the pain in his chest.

"Jim, you have to stay still," Bones said, taking the captain's hand to give him something he could hold on to. With the next pulse, Jim gripped the hand in his and gritted his teeth. He let his breath out when it subsided. "You have a hard grip. The only other I knew who had that was Jocelyn when she was in labor."

Jim cast him a look. "Thanks for comparing me to your ex-wife. That makes me feel a lot better."

Bones smiled lightly. "I want you to stay in my room. Before you start to argue, I'm only offering so you can heal without much interruption. I only have one bed but I can move another one in there so you don't have to sleep with me."

"Would it be just like the Academy?"

The doctor smiled at the memory. When they shared a room, sometimes Jim would be too drunk to go back to his bed and Bones didn't want to stay up all night making sure he didn't suffocate in his own bile so they shared a bed many Saturday nights. They were both straight so it didn't really matter to them.

Somewhere between entering Starfleet and now, Jim's many lovers had dropped off. He was more than often sleeping alone or not at all. It was just how Jim was now. He took his job seriously, which was why he would allow something like this to happen to him.

Another pulse wracked Jim's body and he gripped Bones' hand. He was fighting for his life, in reality. All the beatings he had endured ruptured one of his kidneys and a broken rib had nicked a lung. He was bleeding out and there was nothing Bones could do until his back was healed. His hip was a nonissue at the moment. The phaser wound was a different story entirely.

"What's actually going on, Bones?" Jim asked.

Bones looked at his friend. He was sweating profusely and looked tired. His eyes were light again and his hand loose in his. "What do you mean?"

"The only time you ever get quiet like that is when the prognosis is bleaker than you want to admit. I'm a big boy. I can handle it so what's really going on?"

"One of your kidneys was punctured and you have a partially collapsed lung. I can't do anything until this phaser wound is healed."

"So I have internal bleeding." It was more of a statement than a question but Bones nodded anyway. "How long do I have before I bleed to death?"

"It's a slow bleed but if you move too much, it will cause you to bleed more."

"Bones, do the surgery."

Bones stopped and looked at his friend. Jim's eyes were closed as the regenerator finished its last go through. He could see the muscles tense beneath the tanned flesh. His heart nearly stopped.

"Jim, I can't yet."

"Just do it. I've been out of command for two weeks because I thought I could handle all this alone. Look where it's gotten me. If you do the surgery now, I can get back in command and take my life back. Then I can deal with my brother." Jim turned his head gently to the side, jaw tight with pain. "Do it as my friend. Help me figure out what's wrong with Sam."

"Nurse Chapel!" Bones called.

The curtain shifted. "Yes, doctor?"

"Prepare the OR for Captain Kirk's surgery and call Rand for back up."

"Yes, doctor."

Jim smiled. "Thanks, Bones."

"Just promise me when this is all over you will let us help you."

"I promise."

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Spock sat on the bridge with the entire Alpha shift command crew. Word had spread that Captain Kirk had been beaten and was in surgery for internal bleeding. The entire bridge was silent as they flew towards the Beta Quadrant on their way to the consulate to drop Sam Kirk off. Only two of them knew the real reason why there was tension on the bridge and who Sam Kirk really was.

Spock looked at Chekov. The young ensign had been the one taking care of the wounded captain without even knowing he was being abused. He was a good kid, always doing what he thought was right. No one faulted him but it was obvious he blamed himself for not understanding what was going on and not telling anyone sooner.

The Vulcan was also beating himself up. He should have known what was going on with his captain. Jim never gave up his command unless forced. This time he had given it up voluntarily, taking the brunt of attacks to keep his brother from going after one of his crew. Everyone should have known something was wrong. But none of them caught on until it was too late.

The thought of seeing his captain strung up like that bit at the commander with such force he had to sit down. Just seeing Jim like that was enough to make the Vulcan visibly angry. When he looked down, his hands were shaking. This shouldn't have happened. At all.

The door of the turbolift opened and Dr. McCoy stepped out. He was pulling on his blues meaning he had just gotten out of surgery. Spock stood as he neared.

"Doctor, how is he?" he asked.

"He's in recovery. It seems the rupture wasn't too bad but it was enough to cause a lot of blood. The nick in his lung is healed as well. All that's left to do now is wait for him to come out of anesthesia and then see how he feels," Bones said as he adjusted his sweater. "Where's Sam, Spock?"

"I have placed him in the brig with a couple of guards."

"Jim won't let him stay there for very much longer. Once he wakes up, he'll force you to send him back to his room. We have to find out what's going on before then."

"He won't tell us, Doctor. We've already tried."

"We have to try again, Spock. There must be a reason other than protecting me that Jim had for allowing Sam to do this to him. Without that, we have nothing."

"Winona Kirk has just passed. Maybe that is the reason the Kirks are fighting."

"Jim never hit Sam, but that's something to look at. We all know what Jim thinks about his mother because of where she sent him."

"Do you think the Tarsus IV incident has incited the older Kirk to act against the younger?"

"Could be. I'll look into it. You just continue your job as acting captain. We'll get Jim on his feet." Bones nodded to the acting captain and left the bridge to get on with his research.

Spock turned to the rest of his crew to catch them looking at him. Mixed emotions played on all their faces. Jim had been a good captain to them and for him to be hurt like that… Well it angered them and made them want to in search of blood.

"Ensign Chekov, ETA on the consulate?" he asked to keep them focused.

"Six hours, thirty-two minutes, and five seconds, sir," Chekov responded desolately.

They had six hours to find out what the hell was going on with Sam and Jim.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note**: This one is a little shorter because I needed this to go first. It will all wrap up shortly so stick around and find out what happens.

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Bones stared at his PADD in a mixture of shock and anger.

One James Tiberius Kirk had been sent to Tarsus IV as a thirteen year old on a mission. Only the mission was survival.

He had left a healthy teenager and come home a ragged boy who was emaciated and had big, haunted, blue eyes. His hair had been long and ragged because it hadn't been cut in months. But the one thing that told Bones the boy in the picture in front of him was his Jim was the way he held a blond headed girl protectively. Only Jim Kirk of the _Enterprise_ would hold someone like that.

Jim had returned home on October 25th and had gone through a psych eval, which he promptly failed. Then again who wouldn't? No one who returned from that planet of hell had returned in one piece, especially Jim. He was so messed up it was hard to get him to talk. But put him in command of a starship and he was excellent.

In all honesty Bones knew about Jim's past. Being his doctor he had ways of getting into his patients records. But Jim's records were sealed. Mostly. Bones had gotten into the basics of Jim's records but the rest were highly classified. Now he absolutely knew why. Jim knew how to manipulate psych evaluators better than anyone he knew. That was the only reason he had gotten commission of the _Enterprise_.

So what did Sam have to do with Tarsus?

As Bones dug deeper into Jim's past, he realized what Sam had to do with Tarsus.

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Jim was bored as he waited for Bones to return to give the okay to go to his room. He needed a shower and fresh clothes. And maybe a shave.

He was going to have to ask for assistance on the first two. His hip was healing, meaning he couldn't put any weight on it at all. Bones gave him two weeks before he could do any physical activities. Jim gave it three days. The shower thing was a must though. He smelled like antiseptic and white sheets, a gross smell for a captain but okay for a doctor like Bones.

His upcoming confrontation with Sam was going to be bad. If he knew his friends, and he did pretty well, they were not going to accept his answer of he had it under control. Finding out that Sam had been using him as a punching bag had pretty much made his opinion null and void. In reality he was glad they had figured it out, glad Chekov had disobeyed his order to keep his wounds quiet, so he could get help. Being strung up like a gutted pig had told him that.

It hurt more that it was his brother that had done everything to him. He was the last of his immediate family, his brother. He had always looked up to Sam. But there had been differences to them. Sam had been born with a mother and a father seven years before the _Kelvin_ incident. Jim hadn't had that luxury. By the time he was two, he realized he wasn't the favorite child, not by a long shot.

Sam always had to study hard whereas Jim rarely studied at all. He was a genius and had been told at an early age. It also made his time at school very different than Sam's. He had breezed through it where Sam struggled. Sam had also struggled through Starfleet Academy. He graduated in the middle of his science track. When Jim had graduated (if you call graduating by commandeering a starship to save the world) he had been at the top of his class. Sam worked hard and sometimes it seemed as if Jim didn't work at all.

The curtain was flung to the side suddenly. Jim stared his brother in the face as Sam stalked into the room. Sam was seething and Jim knew there was no way he could escape. The older Kirk stopped at the end of the bed.

"You told them," he accused.

"No, I didn't. They figured it out on their own," Jim answered feebly. There was nothing he could do to stop him if he attacked him.

"The only way they'd do that is if you told them."

"I didn't say a word, Sam!"

Sam got in one good shot on Jim's healing hip before he was pulled away from the captain. Jim rolled onto his good side, alternating between holding his hip and gripping the pillow as he cried and cussed at the same time.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bones growled as he literally slung Sam into the main portion of Medical. He put his body between his patient and the attacker. "Can't you see he's recovering from surgery?"

"I really don't give a shit about that. I'm going to kill him," Sam growled as he pulled himself up.

He tried to blow past Bones but the doctor was faster. He caught him and shoved him back. Sam stumbled into a crash cart. "Like hell you are."

Then Sam smiled. That smile was sadistic and twisted, like he was proud of something he had done before Bones had gotten in the room.

"Doctor, he's crashing!" Chapel called from behind him.

Bones turned around and went to Jim instantly. His heart rate had plummeted and he was near flat lining. Bones ordered a crash cart. When he looked back, Sam was gone. He didn't have time for that. He had to get Jim back before it was seriously too late.

Chapel ripped off the hospital gown and got ready to kick start his heart into beating. They shocked his heart twice, using different voltages both times.

"Come on, kid. Come on," Bones chanted as he got ready to shock him for a third time. When he brought the paddles down, Jim's heart went back into full gear. A few moments later, he stabilized and Bones dropped his head to his friend's chest. "Thank God. Chapel, take a blood sample and find out what he injected into his IV."

"What are you going to do?" Chapel asked.

"I'm going to make a formal report. Sam Kirk tried to murder his younger brother and captain of the _Enterprise_."


	8. Chapter 8

"Captain Kirk, would you please come with me?" Jim looked at Spock in confusion but nonetheless got up and hobbled after him.

They had been in orbit of the planet ever since they had beamed Sam to the surface almost a week ago. Jim had been going to rehab with Bones every day to get rotation back in his hip and getting regeneration done on his back to heal him of the cuts and bruises he had sustained. He was almost back to normal except for the way he treated everyone.

Normally he would be nice to everyone, going out of his way to hide his discomfort so no one could see the actual pain he was in. Now he didn't seem to care. He was even more introverted than he had been when he first went to Starfleet. Everyone knew because whenever he saw Uhura, he didn't make one sexual innuendo or snide comment. The same went for Bones and Spock. Even though all that had the rest of the crew baffled, the doctor and the first officer knew that it was his own defense and healing mechanisms kicking. He was protecting himself from the hurt he thought everyone was going to give him for being a coward.

In all actuality, everyone thought of him as a hero. Not many could stand up to their older siblings and take a beating the older dished out, especially not for a colleague. But Jim was different. He would take the harshest beating to keep his friends and crew out of it. It was just how he was. That was the reason everyone trusted and respected him because he was that type of captain and man.

As they headed down the corridor, Jim's hip gave out and instinct took over. He reached out for Spock, grabbing a fistful of blue shirt as he went down. Spock turned and grabbed him before he landed on his still healing hip. With the look of pain on his face, the Vulcan simply lifted him and carried him to the bridge.

Upon arrival, Spock placed the captain in his chair and took his spot behind it. Bones ran a tricorder over Jim to make sure he was all right before he too nodded and took his spot to the left of the captain.

"Sir, the planet is hailing us," Uhura said as her hands flew over her console.

"On screen," Spock ordered. The screen went from blank to showing six people, Sam included. Jim's shoulders stiffened minutely. "Ambassadors."

"What is this about, Acting Captain Spock?" one of the men said.

"We have received word from Starfleet Command that one Samuel Kirk is to be arrested and brought back aboard the _Enterprise_ without further questions."

"On what grounds?"

"Attempted murder."

A whisper went through the bridge crew and the ambassadors as well. Jim sat very still and stared his brother in the face through view screen. Sam was angry, very angry. Jim hadn't said a word but everyone knew because Bones had been there to see the attack himself. When Jim woke up, he had been told he had flat lined on the table because of something his brother had injected him with after attacking him. He didn't want to believe it but the truth was staring him in the face. His brother wanted him dead.

Jim stood, much to Bones' disapproval. He nearly went down but the doctor caught him by the arm and tugged him against his body. Jim groaned in pain as his bad hip collided with his friend but he kept the look off his face.

"Why, Sam?" he asked in as steady a voice he could muster. "Why do this?"

"Do you really want to know?" Sam replied as the other ambassadors allowed some red shirts to take him into custody. "After Dad died, Mom was never the same. She couldn't look at you, Jimmy, because you were the one who killed him. If you hadn't been born on the ship, he'd still be here instead of dead. It was because of you that Frank came into our lives. Mom wouldn't have needed to remarry if you'd have behaved yourself." Sam's face changed suddenly. It became more sadistic. "And since I'm baring my soul you might as well know. I'm the one who told Frank to send you to Tarsus."

That was when Jim lost all sense of control. He shoved away from Bones and stumbled to Sulu's chair, grabbing the back of it for support. "It was you? You're the one who gave that ass the idea to send me away? It was your idea to send me to that hellhole?"

Tears stung his eyes as he fought to push them back. "Do you know what it was like there? Do you, Sam? People starved to death and if they didn't starve, they were cannibals. We were beaten and raped and molested and turned against each other. We worked long hours with no pay and no food. If we escaped from Kodos' control, we were whipped or killed. They say the little girl I was photographed with when I came back was the last sane survivor. The truth was she committed suicide last year because she couldn't deal with everything. She couldn't integrate back into society."

It was silent on the bridge after his outburst. No one knew what had happened to the captain before he entered Starfleet. No one really cared because he was a damn good captain. No one, that is, except Bones. Bones had looked into the man's medical history and saw all this in his psych evals. Jim hadn't dealt with this because there had never been an absolute need to. No one ever wanted to deal with something like that but now Jim had to.

Bones watched as Jim stared at the screen, at his brother, for a few moments. There were still unshed tears in the young captain's eyes.

"Why, Sam? Why did you have me sent to that hellhole?" Jim's voice was soft as he asked the question everyone wanted answered.

Sam laughed humorlessly. "Why, you ask? It's really simple, Jimmy. I hate you. Because of your birth, my life was ruined. What did I care if you died? You were nothing but a thorn in my side. My life would have been much easier if you had never been born."

That was the breaking point for Jim. He leaned forward and shut off the view screen then stared at it for a few moments. When he turned, he looked right in Bones' eyes. The doctor bit back the sob that threatened to come out. The man in front of him wasn't a captain. No, not at all. The man in front of him wasn't a man at all; he was a fourteen year old boy coming home from a terrible ordeal.

Pushing past the pain that exploded along all senses, Jim left the bridge.

.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's** **Note**: This is the final chapter. I hope you have enjoyed it. Forewarning: the end might suck.

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His room was dark when he walked into it many hours later. A prison transport vessel came and arrested Sam Kirk for the attempted murder of Captain James T. Kirk of the _U.S.S. Enterprise_. The _Enterprise_ had to wait around so he and Spock could be questioned. It was time consuming and annoying but it had to be done for everything to be situated before either ship could return back to dock.

Spock had ordered everyone back to work afterwards. So that's where he went. Hiding in Medical Bay had always been something he was good at. This time he got a little bit of back work done. None of the nurses bothered him which meant one of two things. Either no one was seriously injured or Chapel was running interference. He suspected it was the second and that was all right with him.

When it was time for his shift to end, Chapel came in and ran him out. He was happy to leave but there was one thing on his mind that he couldn't get away from. Where had he gone? No one had seen him since the fight that morning on the bridge. He hadn't shown up in Medical, the Mess hall, or any of the rec rooms. He had a tendency of hiding when things got too rough for him to deal. At the moment he was certain he was somewhere secluded to deal with this silently.

Jim had the tendency to keep quiet about things like this, which was bad and good at the same time. This time he needed it more than anything.

When the door to his room slid open, he wasn't surprised to see his room lit to ten percent. There was a large hump in the middle of his bed. So this is where he had been hiding. He was the only one who knew the override code to get in and he had been told he could go there anytime he needed to.

Sighing heavily, he had walked across the room, kicking off his shoes as he went. After stripping off his soiled uniform and tossing it in the recycling bin, he changed into his pajama pants then slipped into the free spot of the bed. As he settled in, he listened.

"Jim, don't cry," he said.

Jim sniffled, snot moving from his nostrils back up his nose. "Sorry, Bones."

Bones sighed. He rolled closer to his best friend. Draping one arm around his waist, Bones rubbed comforting circles in his side. "Don't apologize to me, kid. It was painful just watching you talk to your brother."

"I didn't know he felt that way about me."

"I don't think any of us did."

"What do I do, Bones?"

"You go on with your life. You can't dwell on the past and live successfully. All I have to say is have your little pity party then get back to work."

Jim rolled over and looked at his friend. "I know we're both straight but I have a request."

Bones smiled warmly. "Anything, Jim."

"Just for tonight hold me."

He didn't answer with words. Instead he moved closer and wrapped his arms around his friend. Jim nestled against him and within minutes was asleep.

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**A WEEK LATER**

Jim looked at himself in the mirror. The bruises had vanished after multiple sessions of regenerations. His hip wasn't as it should be but he was working on it on a daily basis. Bones was happy with his progress; so happy in fact he signed off on his release to go back to work.

That was a scary thought. He had been off work for the last month as he tried to deal with something he didn't have to do alone. In the end Bones, Spock, and Chekov had been the ones who figured out what was going on and had stood behind him. He was more nervous about his crew. They had never seen him like that before.

"Pull yourself together, Jim, and go to work," he told himself in the mirror.

He grabbed the cane Bones had forced him to use until his hip was fully healed and also he couldn't walk without the support. He stepped out into the hallway and headed for the bridge. This walk had never been this long before. Then again he had never been a cripple before either.

His crew nodded to him. He noticed that when he passed they would stop to whisper. Some of the phrases he caught were about his honesty and his past. Obviously they weren't used to hearing a captain's past out in the open. Jim wasn't used to anyone hearing about his time on Tarsus. But the argument with Sam had brought it all to the light. Some of the things he said to his brother he had never said to anyone else, counselors included. Now that it was in the open, he had to go to the ship counselor once a week to sort it all out.

When he came to the door of the bridge, he stopped. Beyond that door were his job and his life. The people beyond that door were his crew and they now knew what he had gone through before he joined Starfleet. They knew he had been abused and abandoned by everyone in his family. What he didn't know was how they had taken the news.

With a deep breath, he walked onto the bridge…

And was greeted with applause.

Looking around, he had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. Obviously Bones had told everyone what Sam threatened to do and what he had done to make sure they had been kept safe. After that, they knew the rest. They knew of Tarsus and they all knew of how he got the commission. But that wasn't what choked him up.

The fact that they were standing behind him was the real reason for him to act like a baby. No one had had his back until he got into Starfleet. That was where he had met Bones and formed that strong bond they had now. Spock came after battles and battles of intellect and wit. Now they also had a strong friendship.

Now he had to face the entire crew.

But here they were supporting him.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder. He turned to look. Bones smiled at him.

"Your biggest fear will never come true, Jim. No matter what you think, you're not alone. Not as long as you captain this ship. As long as you're captain of the _Enterprise_, this is your family and we will never let you go through anything alone ever again," the doctor said.

Jim looked around at the nodding crew. They were all in agreement with it. Without a word, he limped around his chair and sat down heavily in it, adjusting himself so he was propped up on his hip. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathing, letting it out shakily when he was ready. When his eyes opened once again, they were filled with resolve.

"Thrusters on full," he said.

The crew looked at each other with smiles and moved to their stations.

"Thrusters on full," Sulu replied.

"Course laid in, Chekov?"

"Aye, sir. Course is laid in."

"Warp factor three, Sulu. Let's go."

The _Enterprise_ warped into action with its captain leading it once again.

END


End file.
